


My Soul Is Sick

by SaltNTang



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abuse, Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bad Ending, Bottom Eren Yeager, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Explicit Language, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Jealousy, Love Triangle, M/M, Manipulation, Mental Abuse, Military, Multi, Pampering, Physical Abuse, Psychological Trauma, Rape, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sadism, Sick Character, Sickfic, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Top Erwin Smith, Top Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Torture, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-30
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2020-05-31 09:56:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 15,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19423624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaltNTang/pseuds/SaltNTang
Summary: Eren finds himself stuck in a love triangle between an obsessively abusive Captain Levi who has fallen in love with Eren and a manipulative Commander Erwin.Both men fail to provide Eren with the love he needs. How will Eren coop with this fact?





	1. Chapter 1

Eren’s eyes felt sunken and sore in his eye sockets as he stood shoulder-to-shoulder beside his fellow cadets. His hand firmly planted atop his chest, saluting captain Levi as the captain gave the group a brief talk about what to expect in tomorrow’s training.

During the briefing, Eren couldn’t help but feel incredibly ill, attempting to brush it off as feeling tired from the three hour training session. His eyes darted to his right, glancing at Armin in a silent observation. The blonde boy’s bangs plastered on his sweaty forehead, his breath coming in short, exhausted pants. When Armin’s eyes met Eren’s, the titan shifter averted his eyes, looking down at the ground in an attempt to limit the nausea he felt. His body seemed to lean towards one side unconsciously, his head lolling towards his left despite his attempts at balancing himself. His seeming disconcern for other’s personal space earned him several dirty looks and small shoves.

“Eren. Is your hearing as empty as your head? I asked you a question.” Levi interrupted Eren’s thoughts, startling him enough to cause his muscles to tremble in fear.

Eren’s green eyes darted around, his fellow classmates staring expectantly at the titan shifter. Eren only swallowed dryly, his heart beating in his throat. Armin frowned, wanting to help his friend, yet knowing any attempts at helping Eren would backfire and only increase his punishment. 

Eren only clenched his fist on his chest, his voice coming out unconfidently, “I..I’m..I wasn’t listening, sir.” 

Levi scowled, his eyes glaring daggers at the boy. Without averting eye contact, he spoke loud enough for the group of cadets to hear. “Everyone is dismissed. Be ready tomorrow morning — 7am sharp. Eren, stay back, we need to talk.”

The group was clearly relieved at being dismissed, members hastily making their way towards the cafeteria, whispers making themselves evident of the curious drama between Levi and Eren. 

Armin looked back at Eren in concern, whispering that he’d wait for him at the cafeteria with Jean and Mikasa.

Levi directed his attention towards Eren once all the cadets had cleared. Eren only stood in his spot with a dazed expression, his eyes looking past the captain. 

Levi raised a brow. Eren was far too aloof. “Eren. Was the training far too hard for you? Can’t handle standard training like your cadets?”

Eren quickly shook his head, his brows furrowing. “No, sir! I can handle it!”

“Keep up your unsatisfactory performance and you’ll get my boot shoved so far up your ass, you’ll be able to decipher what kind of leather it is.” Levi spoke in an unnerving, controlled tone.

Eren swallowed down his speechlessness, a nervous lump in his throat increasingly difficult to swallow and his hands felt more clammy than usual. Not trusting his own voice, Eren only nodded in acknowledgment.

“You’re dismissed.” Levi stated firmly, walking off towards the direction of his quarters, no doubt with the plans of doing extensive paper work. 

Eren stood still, his fist firmly planted against his chest until Levi was out of sight. Only then did he relax his stance, sighing in silent disappointed at himself. 

“Tough day?” A voice questioned behind Eren, startling him for what seemed like the nineteenth time within that same hour. He whirled around, his stomach sinking when he was face-to-face with commander Erwin. 

Eren once against shifted his stance to salute the man, his muscles screaming in protest.

“At ease.” Erwin held up a hand. “You look ill, Eren. Consider taking yourself to the infirmary or heading to your quarters.”

Eren nodded in tired agreement. “Yes, sir. I’ll head to bed.”

Erwin nodded silently, making his way past Eren. The faint smell of oak wood and fresh mint graced the titan-shifter’s nose, only serving to make Eren aware of how much he himself absolutely smelled. He needed a long shower.

———

As soon as Eren closed the door to his quarters, he stripped his gear, carelessly dropping each clothing piece on the floor with faint thuds. Once he was in his black boxers, he flopped down onto his stomach with a pained groan. Exhaustion, anxiety, stress all piled on top of him like the weight of a thousand titans.

Three hours passed.

Eren couldn’t find it in himself to sleep. He turned his head towards the blearing red numbers on his clock which read 3am. He had gotten up multiple times to change his sweat-soaked sheets, only stopping when he ran out of clean sheets. 

Deciding he needed a change of pace and some kind of distraction from his increasingly painful migraine, Eren stuffed the sweat-soiled sheets into a bag and made his way down the silent hallway toward the laundry room.

Stopped beside a laundry machine and setting the bag filled with sheets atop of it, Eren suddenly realized he had forgotten his pre-filled laundry card back down the hall in his quarters, which seemed too far to walk back to considering how ill he felt. Eren slumped down onto the concrete flooring, sitting back against the drying machine with a frustrated sigh.

—

“...ren..”

Eren shifted slightly, sleep inviting him back with a coo.

“Eren!” 

The boy’s eyes snapped open with a startle, slamming his head back against the drying machine with a shocked yelp. He rubbed his head with a small whiny protest before turning his attention toward the intruding voice.

It was horse-face.

Jean raised a brow at Eren’s dazed expression. “Did you sleep here? The laundry room? Seriously?”

Shifting to stand up, Eren only scowled, grabbing the bag of sheets still sitting atop the laundry machine. “Mind your own business, asshole.”

Jean snorted out a laugh, pointing at the titan-shifter accusingly. “Yeah, I would, expect for the fact that you’re literally wearing only boxers. What? Finally got frisky with Mikasa?”

Eren grit his teeth, turning toward Jean, a threatening gaze in his eyes. “Don’t talk about Mikasa that way! I’ll fucking kill you!”

The boy swung an unsuspecting punch at Jean, socking him directly in the stomach. Jean wheezed get quickly rebounded, swinging a fist to make direct contact with Eren’s jaw. With a groan Eren stumbled back and fell with a scowl. The two panted in a silence, never breaking eye contact with each other.

“ What the  absolute fuck  are you two doing?” 

Eren and Jean both haulted their unofficial eye-staring contest, freezing in fear.

“Did I stutter, you baboons?” Levi questioned in a monotone manner, staring at them both as he blocked the only exit of the laundry room.

Jean shook in fear, turning toward Levi with a salute. “N-no sir! I was just walking by when I saw Eren!”

Eren hastily moved to stand, saluting immediately, his mouth opening and closing multiple times to formulate some kind of excuse as to why he was in his underwear and in the laundry room.

Levi held up a dismissive hand. “I don’t want to fucking hear it, Eren. You just keep disappointing. I hardly have expectations for you and yet you still manage to fail at reaching anything.”

Eren frowned, averting his eyes to stare at the floor. “S-sir..I..”

Levi walked towards the two men, brushing past Jean. The man stood in front of Eren, staring at him with a slight upward tilt of his head to maintain an intimidating amount of eye contact with Eren. The boy willed himself not to look away.

He didn’t expect it.

A sharp knee to the crotch has Eren on the ground immediately. As soon as the boy kneeled down onto the unforgiving concrete flooring, Levi grabbed a handful of his brown locks, tilting his head upward. 

Eren gazed up at Levi, his peripheral vision briefly making note of Jean’s horrified expression.

“Jean. You’re dismissed. Get to the training grounds.” Levi interrupted, watching as Jean quickly and without hesitance, make his way out of the laundry room and quickly walking down the hallway.

Eren shook, a thousand thoughts clouding his mind. What would the captain do to him? Was he going to die? He stared up at Levi, his body quivering from both the chilling gaze of his captain, and the chill of the room.

“Please. C-captain, I haven’t been feeling so go—“ Eren yelped as Levi yanked his hair unforgivingly. He leaning towards the boy until their noses brushed across each other. 

“Shut the fuck up. You talk too much.”


	2. What’s Wrong With Me?

Eren made it to training thirty minutes late with a black eye.

Though his fellow cadets stared at him questioningly throughout the remaining duration of training, he ignored the stares to the best of his ability, somehow managing to avoid Mikasa’s relentless gaze and consistent questions following him for the entirety of the ODM training.

“Eren.” Levi approached Eren after he had separated the boy from Armin and Mikasa.

Y-Yes sir?” Eren jolted, whirling around to glance at the captain sheepishly. 

“Erwin called for you to meet him at his office. I suggest you don’t make him wait.” Levi stated flatly.

Eren nodded, relief washing over him at the first seamless encounter between captain Levi and himself. “Yes sir!”

Before the titan-shifter could begin making his way to commander Erwin’s office, Levi placed a hand on his left shoulder, leaning in with a teasing whisper.

“Your fly’s undone.”

Eren flushed a deep pink, hastily zipping his fly up and apologizing profusely for his clumsy presentation. 

—

Eren stared at his reflection in the mirror, the white fluorescent lights casting a shadow over his features which only seemed to further highlight the dark circles underneath his eyes, accentuating his swollen black eye which was given to him personally by Captain Levi.

Before making it to Erwin’s office, the boy had decided to take a quick run to the public bathrooms to collect himself. Though Eren felt fine earlier during training, the sudden and pressing need to puke hit him all at once. So he did. He threw up his breakfast and his dinner from yesterday.

So here he was, staring hollowly at the reflection staring back at him, pale and sweaty. After he met up with commander Erwin, he would go straight to bed and take a nice, long nap. The internal promise motivated Eren to get the task at hand done as soon as possible.

Stepping out of the bathroom and making a quick beeline to Erwin’s office, the boy knocked exactly three times, waiting for a confirmation to enter. After he heard a low, ‘come in,’ Eren carefully pushed open the heavy office door.

There, Erwin sat behind his desk, busy with mountainous amounts of paper work. Without glancing up, the commander greeted Eren with a brief ‘hello’ and a ‘sit down’. 

Eren took the dismissive welcome and sat down, staring at the commander. 

“Sir, did you need something?” Eren questioned, his voice sheepish, unsure of whether he should break Erwin’s focused state. 

Erwin only looked up after hearing Eren’s question, a look of shock and surprise crossing his expression.

“Did you injure yourself during training today, Eren?” The blonde man raised a brow, directing his blue pen at Eren’s injured eye.

Eren swallowed nervously, averting his eyes with a rub of his arm. “N..no, sir. I..Captain Levi...” the boy gradually trailed off his sentence, though Erwin understood what he was insinuating.

“Eren. You look ill, more so than the last time we bumped into one another.” Erwin continued, “Stick around, you can rest on the couch over there.” He further emphasized with a point of his pen. 

Following his pen’s direction with his eyes, Eren turned to look at a dusty, navy-blue couch in the corner of the office. He immediately waved both his hands, flustered.

“Sir, with all due respect I can just head to my own room if we’re finished.” Eren suggested gently, avoiding sounding ungrateful towards the commander’s kindness.

Erwin only shook his head. “We still need to talk. I just need to finish signing some paper work. My deadline’s tomorrow morning, you see.”

Eren hesitantly nodded in understanding before standing, settling instead on the small couch. The cushions cradled his bottom comfortably, more so than his own bed. Glancing at Erwin once again, he noted the man had already directed his attention back to scribbling onto some documents.

Allowing himself to slowly relax in the undemanding atmosphere, Eren’s eyelids drooped. The sound of Erwin’s pen dancing across the smooth paper’s surface seemed to sing the boy a soft lullaby that resembled a hot, crackling fireplace during a winter storm.

—

Eren woke up to the gentle pitter-patter of rain and an overbearing headache around his temples. He sat up disoriented; a tanned wool blanket slipping off his shoulders as he moved into a sitting position. Looking around the dimspace, he noted the fact that he had fallen asleep on Erwin’s couch, the commander no where in sight.

Eren pressed his ear against the thick wooden door, listening for any sounds. His ears immediately picked up on the soft sounds of a someone’s boots padding slowly against stone ground. Chewing his cheek nervously, Eren dug his blunt nails into his own wrist, the mute pain knocking mild adrenaline through his body.

_Was it captain Levi?_

Swallowing down his fear and cowardly attitude, Eren swung open the office door, running straight into Hange. 

“Eren!” Hange gasped in excitement, “My favorite titan-shifting cutie! I was looking for you!” Her grin unnerved Eren to no ends.

Without missing a beat, Hange dragged Eren hastily down the hallway with a grin. 

“What did you need me for?” Eren questioned cautiously, afraid of what the answer may be. 

Before Hange could reply, the two found themselves staring at Levi as they turned a corner down the hall. The one person Eren absolutely dreaded running into. His headache throbbed at the elevated stress thrown onto his shoulders.

“She doesn’t need you for a  damn thing, actually.” Levi stood in front of the two, crossing his arms with a strong gaze.

Hange only pouted childishly, hooking Eren’s arm around her own. “Levi, I need to test Eren’s titan shifting ability a tad bit more! I need to compare how quickly Eren’s transformation occurs in comparison to other human-made titans we’ve found out!”

As Hange bickered in barely withheld excitement, Levi scowled. “That’s fucking stupid Hange. I need Eren for more pressing matters than simple entertainment.”

Actually, I will have to deny both your requests to take Eren. He’s going to the infirmary straight away.” A firm voice caused a pause of conversation between the three.

A sudden hand meeting Levi’s shoulder caused the man to glance back in question, meeting Erwin’s determined gaze.

Levi raised an elegant brow. “Is Eren hurt? A black eye isn’t worth medical attention.”

Erwin chuckled with a shake of his head, directing his attention to Eren as he spoke. “Eren is very ill and needs to rest. I’ve talked to the nurse down at the infirmary. I could only describe Eren’s general symptoms, she’ll have to see you personally,” he paused briefly, taking in Levi and Hange’s disgruntled looks before continuing, “Eren is in no condition to train nor participate in any experiments that could further strain is health.”

Levi turned, analyzing Eren with his gunmetal-colored eyes. He didn’t take notice before, but the boy looked immensely pale, sweat had drenched his shirt as if had recently jumped into a pool with his clothing on. The dark circles decorating the area around his eyes only emphasized the dazed look Eren was sporting. 

Levi felt guilt squeeze his heart. Why hadn’t he noticed sooner? 

“Eren, I trust you can make it to the infirmary on your own?” Erwin asked the boy, interrupting Levi’s thoughts.

“I’ll take him.” Levi stated flatly before Eren could answer. 

—

Even though the nurse examined Eren throughly with a physical exam, the medical professional could not diagnose why he was in such poor health. The nurse decided the best course of action was keeping Eren held within the infirmary until further testing could conclude Eren’s condition. The nurse did however give the boy an ice pack to soothe his black eye.

Levi remained at Eren’s side the entire time. Even now, while Eren lied uneventfully on the infirmary bed, the captain sat beside his bed, legs crossed firmly.

Eren felt uncomfortable around Levi as he did all he could to avoid the captain’s eyes. His heart beat loudly against his throat as he was forced to remain in a hyper-aware state. He wanted to initiate some kind of conversation, yet didn’t want to chance saying anything stupid that would justify Levi hitting him once again. He couldn’t walk around with both eyes punched shut.

“Undress.” Levi stated simply after silence stretched between them for several minutes.

Eren blinked, turning his head to look at Levi. “..sir?” The boy began, confused.

“I said undress, Eren.” Levi scowled, a crease forming between his thin brows. “If you haven’t noticed, your clothes are drenched in your disgusting sweat. You absolutely reek.I can’t fucking stand it.”

Holding back a frustrated sigh, Eren propped himself up against a pillow, setting the ice pack down beside him as he slowly undid the gear around his thighs, the tight bindings no longer squeezing his body tensely. Moving up, Eren unbuttoned his shirt, pausing when his eyes made direct contact with Levi’s. 

His heart jumped. 

Even when Eren caught Levi staring, the man refused to look away, shamelessly allowing his grey eyes to rake over Eren’s toned chest.

Swallowing thickly, his adam’s apple bobbing with anxiety, Eren focused his attention back down at the white button-up. Only two buttons were left to undo. 

“Captain Levi, you don’t have to stick around. I know you’re busy and all..” Eren spoke unconfidently, staring down at the button between his fingers as if it were the most interesting item in the world.

“Continue.” Levi ignored the boy, shifting to cross his other leg. 

Hesitantly, Eren unbuttoned the last of his buttons, slipping the blouse off his shoulders. Though he felt slightly self-conscious, he did feel better from being freed from the constricting clothing. 

Eren paused once again, glancing at Levi from the corner of his eye as the captain stood up from his seat.

The titan-shifter could only yelp in shock when Levi grabbed the hem of his pants and yanked them down and off.

“Calm down. I’m helping you undress. You’re fucking slow.” Levi commented calmly. 

Relaxing as much as he could in the recliner infirmary bed, Eren sheepishly watched as his white uniform jeans were tugged off and neatly folded at the end of his bed. Levi walked toward the medical cabinets, open them to grab what looked like a hospital gown. 

At least the captain cared enough to give Eren something to cover himself up with, saving himself any further embarrassment. Allowing Levi to help him slip on and tie the hospital gown around his body, Eren finally relaxed back into the bed, his eyes drooping.

The captain wordlessly sat back on the creaky wooden chair beside Eren’s bed, crossing his arms. 

“Go to sleep, Eren.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your comments give me life omL


	3. The Jealousy Ensues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for the wonderful comments and suggestions. I hope you all enjoy this chapter!

Eren woke up to an empty infirmary room. The florescent lights buzzed loudly in the otherwisestill atmosphere. 

Glancing to his left, the boy noted the empty wooden chair Levi previously occupied. A small part of Eren felt disappointed.

_Disappointed that no one was here when he woke up_ _,_ Eren emphasized to himself.  _Not the fact that Levi wasn’t around._

Eren sat up fully, yanking out an IV which was hooked to his wrist with a wince. 

_Did they sedate me?_ Eren pondered internally, not quite understanding the need for a sedation. 

Eren dismissed the thought, not wanting to dwell on it as he willed himself to stand. His bare feet padded cautiously on the tile floors. The medicine-smelling room filled his nostrils as he stood, the cheap, itchy hospital gown brushing across his knees. 

Dubiously, Eren approached his combat uniform, which was folded neatly and placed on a small counter top. Beside the clothing was a clipboard, clearly not meant for Eren’s eyes. He couldn’t help but read the posted paper:

_Patient 115670295: Eren Yeager_

_Injected with sedation chemical using IV to limit possibility of titan shift._

_Expected to remain asleep for approximately 12-18 hours._

Eren’s heart dropped to his stomach. Was he still not fully trusted? After proving he was a useful tool for humanity time after time? The titan-shifter placed a single, unsure hand atop his folded uniform. A sense of sadness and anger sweeping over him.

_Why am I here? Fighting with Humanity’s Strongest? Fighting with Captain Levi?_ Eren’s doubtful mind plagued him with uncertainty, causing him to reel his hand away from the uniform as if he was shocked. 

The uniform he wore was a promise to humanity; a promise to sacrifice for a better future. For a  future  without titans. Yet, here Eren was, lazying in bed, sleeping the day away while his classmates fought with their lives, trained without falter, relentlessly went to battle while Eren remained scared and unsure, weak.

The sudden late realization dawned on Eren. No matter what he did, no matter how much he proved himself to his human companions, they would never allow themselves to view him as an equal, as a human. He was only a monster, always ready to be sedated when it was convenient.

The thoughts resulted in a feeling of dread engulfing Eren, settling in his stomach. He stepped back from where his uniform lay; one step, then another, until his back pressed into the room’s chilling wall. He sunk down onto the cold flooring beneath him, clenching his head, feeling vulnerable and childish. 

The useless need to escape—to run—filled his mind, his muscles tensing and relaxing, ready to jolt up and sprint at any moment. 

Eren wasn’t one to deny his instincts. 

The boy burst through the door moments later, swinging it open and allowing it to slam loudly into the white brick walls. Fear and uncertainty crept into Eren’s heart, his breath leaving his chest in raspy, uneven rhythms as he ran down the empty hallways, the yellow lights emitted from the hanging lanterns highlighting his features as he sprinted with unrelenting speed down the hall. 

The crushing feeling of entrapment surrounded his being, rendering him more panicked by the moment. By the time Eren made it to the end of the hallway, he was hyperventilating, clasping a hand on his chest breathlessly. 

Pushing the door at the end of the hallway open reveled the empty training courtyard. The dark, starless night did nothing to mute the heavy rainfall which landed in fat plops atop Eren’s head.

Pausing only briefly, Eren jolting into an aimless sprint toward the dark night, his hospital gown immediately getting drenched from the rain, the thin cloth sticking wetly to his shivering body. 

The muddy terrain caused by the rain faltered Eren periodically, resulting in him slipping and falling messily into the slushy mud puddles more than once. His once white gown stained into a dark brown color, his hair darkened and sticking to his forehead. 

Each time Eren fell, he stood back up, sprinting through the blinding wetness of rainfall until he spotted one of the horse stables. The rain did nothing to block out the usual smell of hay and horse manure. The titan-shifter immediately took shelter under the oak stables, panting wildly. As he took his time taking in desperate breaths, Eren turned toward the quiet horses, slowly walking down the corridor of horses until he spotted the one horse who stood out. Commander Erwin’s white horse.

Eren stared silently at the pale horse, his eyes wide and unthinking as he carefully grazed his shaky fingers along the beast’s long snout. Thoughts of false freedom riddled Eren’s mind. 

“I’ll ride..the Commander’s horse outside of the walls,” Eren rasped audibly, his eyes darting at the horse’s nearby hanging saddle. “Away from everyone, away from the people who see me as nothing but a monster.”

A small part of Eren scolded the boy’s reckless nonsense, but a larger part of the boy pushed him toward the possibility of freedom. Of a freedoms he knew was false. He was upset and desperate, but an angry person doesn’t want to hear the rational side of things. 

A small, shaky smile graced Eren’s face as he unhooked the lock to the commander’s noble white horse and tossed the saddle over the horse’s body messily. Grabbing the reins, he led the horse out from the horse stable into the now gradually clearing rain. Eren paused, reality suddenly hitting him.

He was stealing commander Erwin’s horse without gear, without proper equipment—outside the walls, where titans roamed. 

Did he have a death wish?

Eren dropped down to his knees onto the muddy grounding beneath him. His hands remained tightly knitted around the horse’s reins.

The rain above the Eren faded into a soft drizzle until there was no more rain at all. The sun rose gradually, seemingly teasing Eren as it peeked from beyond the horizon. 

With a small hiccup, Eren bowed his head down, tears flooding his eyes and falling down his cheeks.

“What am I doing?” Eren questioned himself, sobbing out unwavering tears as the droplets plopped onto his thighs.

“I was wondering the very same thing.” 

Eren’s eyes widened, glancing up from his pathetic position on the ground to see Erwin. The titan-shifter’s chest clenched in anxiety. 

The commander remained a safe distance, ensuring minimal stress levels for Eren. Regardless, Eren looked absolutely torn down. Muddy beyond recognization, eyes red and teary, hair messy and hard from dried mud. Furthermore, Erwin was beyond bewildered why Eren had hold of his signature white horse. 

That was the least of his worries, however. Erwin carefully approached Eren, watching intently for any signs of discomfort from the boy. When all he was met with was sagging shoulders and glazed eyes, Erwin took confident strides toward the boy, crouching down beside the boy once he was close enough. 

“Eren.” The blonde man spoke gingerly, placing a hand on the boy’s cheek when he refused to answer. “Eren. I need you to look at me.” Erwin spoke, his blue eyes boring into Eren’s green ones. 

Eren’s eyes slowly turned to meet the Commander’s, his expression blank. “I’m sorry, Commander.” Eren rasped, his voice breaking slightly. 

The blonde man shushed Eren gently, his thumb stroking the boy’s cheek with carefully back and forth caresses. “Levi is worried about you. He was the first to notice you were gone.” 

“I’ve been so scared all the time that I wasn’t aware everyone was scared of me.” Eren stated flatly. his voice empty and defeated. “Captain Levi..he was right, I’m incredibly useless I cou—“

The feeling of Erwin’s lips pressing against Eren’s made the boy’s thoughts malfunction. 

The kiss was over as quickly as it had begun as Erwin slowly pulled away from kiss, planting his hands onto Eren’s shoulders. “I’m not afraid of you, and you are not useless.” Erwin whispered against Eren’s lips hotly.

Eren gazed at Erwin in disbelief, his heart jumping erratically against his rib cage as Erwin slowly leaned back in, his head tilting as he gave Eren another kiss. The Commander’s hands moved down to Eren’s lower back, cradling him with a supportive arm as he tilted Eren slightly downward to deepen the passionate kiss. 

Eren tilted his head away from the kiss with loud, inexperienced panting. The small string of saliva connecting the two was the only evidence their lips once touched. 

“Come.” Erwin whispered, pulling Eren up into his arms before transitioning the boy on the still awaiting horse beside them. 

Eren gasped in surprise, gazing at the man in question with an embarrassed flush to his cheeks. “S-sir..” 

“You went through the trouble of equipping the horse with a saddle, we might as well use it.” Erwin smirked, setting Eren atop the horse. “I suggest you don’t straddle him, though. You’ll flash something in a gown like that.” 

Eren hurriedly gripped onto the horse’s mane, sitting similar to a princess in a sidesaddle fashion. As soon as Eren was situated, Erwin led the horse into more concrete terrain, avoiding the muddy paths. 

“Let’s take a quick stroll, shall we?” Erwin stated, not waiting for Eren’s answer. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please excuse any spelling mistakes, I posted this at 2am


	4. Is This Love?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains abuse, jealousy, and mention of rape. Please do not read if you cannot stand physical abuse. Otherwise, enjoy this chapter!

Levi leaned against the hallway’s concrete walls as he stood outside Eren’s bedroom door. The plain ceilings above Levi were decorated with various dusted lanterns which glowed with a faint yellow light, cascading over his small stature and creating an imposing shadow along the walls and floors of the hallway. 

The peaceful quiet of the night did nothing to calm Levi’s pounding heart. Memories flooded his mind, causing his temples to throb.

The sight of Erwin kissing Eren in the rain.

The fact that Eren accepted it. 

Levi shifted where he stood to face the front of the door. His fists clenched in withheld anger. A faint glow of light shone from beneath the crack of the door, pushing Levi to believe the boy was in fact still awake at this late hour.

Levi’s hand clenched into a tense fist, pausing briefly in his movement before deciding against his momentary hesitance. His knuckles made gentle contact with the wooden door. 

The sound of quiet shuffling could be heard beyond the thin wooden door before it opened. The soft glow of the room’s dim lighting enveloped Levi’s body as Eren stood in front of him, a startled and embarrassed expression crossing his features.

“C-captain Levi?” Eren questioned, shifting where he stood in an act of insecurity, pushing the door slightly closed to block Levi’s penetrating gaze.

Levi’s silver eyes widened, taking in Eren’s standing figure. In front of him stood the boy, his hair damp, a faint smell of soap wafting from him. Draped over his shoulders was a long, oversized shirt which brushed lowly across his knees. The large shirt drooped to reveal his shoulders, which were littered in small blue and red bruises. The sight made the captain swallow unconsciously in a wave of jealousy, anger, and resentment.

“We need to talk, Eren.” Levi spoke in a controlled tone, shifting his eyes to Eren’s gradually widening emerald pools.

“Actually, now isn’t a good time.” Eren replied, averting his eyes silently. 

Levi raised an unamused brow at that before speaking, “Are you saying ‘no’ to your superior,  Eren?” 

Eren swallowed the nervous lump in his throat, wordlessly stepping to the side to allow Levi to enter his quarters. The captain didn’t hesitate, entering the room and pushing the door closed with a foot. 

The atmosphere felt heavy and uncomfortable as Eren turned his attention away from the man standing silently beside him. Instead, Eren attempted to focus instead on finding a pair of pants casual in his drawer. 

“Who’s shirt is that?” Levi questioned, startling Eren from his current task. Before Eren could answer, Levi once again interrupted, “Don’t you dare say it’s  your  shirt. I’m not stupid. Brat.”

The last thing Levi expected was for Eren to suddenly burst into a sobbing mess. The boy’s nose was runny and his eyes wavered as the tears rolled down his cheeks, the drops plopping audibly onto the stone flooring. 

Eren dropped to his knees, covering his tear-stained face with his shaky hands. “C..Captain, I-I.. I made a big mistake.” 

Levi furrowed his brow, pausing where he stood to watch Eren. “Mistake? Explain, Eren.”

The sobbing boy wordlessly pulled down his shirt’s loose collar, revealing a larger line of multiple hickies decorating his throat, the line of marks disappearing past the shirt.

Levi’s legs moved before he could think. His hand clenched Eren’s wrist in a crushing grip, yanking him up to his feet in one swipe as he ripped the boy’s hand away from his crying face to gaze into the boy’s blurry eyes. 

“Did he  _rape_ you?” Levi bit out with a scowl, seething with anger. When he was met with no answer and Eren’s refusal to make eye contact, the captain tightened his grip around Eren’s thin wrist, a wince crossing the boy’s face. 

“I’m not going to ask again.” Levi started, his teeth clenched. “Did Erwin  rape  you?”

Eren’s tears momentarily ceased as he stared in shock. “H-how do you know about..about..Erwin?”

“Answer the fucking question.” Levi bit out impatiently, shoving Eren into the nearest wall. 

“He didn’t!” Eren screamed, slumping down against the wall to sit on the cold floor. His eyes wavered with guilt, a look Levi didn’t miss. 

“He did.” Levi retaliated, his body trembling from anger. “I’ll kill him.” 

“No!” Eren gazed up at Levi from his position on the floor, his eyes wide. “No. He didn’t force me!”

“You let him have his way with you?” Levi challenged, crouching to gaze Eren in the eyes. 

“I did...” Eren whispered, uncertainty gracing his voice as his voice trailed off into a whisper. It was obvious the boy had more to say, but decided against it. 

Levi scoffed, cruel amusement crossing his expression. “Is that how you rise among the ranks? You’re just a common whore.” 

Eren’s expression shifted from one of sadness and hurt to an expression filled with anger. “I’m  not a whore.” 

“I bet you enjoyed it.” Levi whispered, his eyes shifting to gaze holes into Eren.

Eren clenched his fist, moving slowly to stand up from his position on the floor. In one swift motion, the boy’s fist made contact with Levi’s cheek, causing the captain to reel back in surprise from the hit. 

“You fucking..brat.” Levi scowled, wiping the blood oozing from his split lip with a thumb. 

Eren immediately regretted his actions, stepping back from the captain in fear. “I-I’m really sorry, sir—I don’t know what came over me...”

“Fucking save it.” Levi snarled in a low tone as he reached out, grabbing Eren’s arm in a threatening grip. 

Fear dropped in Eren’s stomach, nearly causing him to gag in panic. “Sir—“

Levi led the boy out from his room, dragging him down the hallway and toward the public restrooms. 

“Eren, speak one more time without my permission and I will rip out your uvula.” Levi’s voice dipped in it’s tone, emitting a shudder to travel through Eren’s body like an electric shock. Eren bit his lower lip to avoid a sound from escaping him. 

Opening one of many stall’s creaky door, Levi shoved Eren against the filthy toilet before entering after the boy, making a point to click the bathroom door locked after the two. The sound of the door locking in place put Eren in a state of fight-or-flight; his senses all peaking as his heart beat loudly in his throat. 

The most uncharacteristic smirk graced Levi’s features, his sharp eyes slightly crinkling as he did so. The boy swallowed in an attempt to moisten his dry throat, failing in the process. Eren’s eyes never left Levi’s own figure as he stood staring down at the sitting boy. 

Searching his pockets, Levi gingerly pulled out a pair of latex gloves, taking his time to slip each calculated finger into the glove, allowing the material to snap against his skin each time a finger made its way into the finger holes. 

Eren watched in confused horror, his gut yelling at him to run yet his body freezing due to his petrified state. 

“Please...” Eren bit out shakily, his eyes boring into Levi’s unmoving expression. 

The captain’s gloved fist made contact with Eren’s nose, knocking the back of his head into the bathroom’s white tiled walls. A yelp escaped the boy’s lips as he recoiled from the hit, his nose bleeding uncontrollably. 

“I didn’t give you permission to speak, Eren.” Levi spoke, his knuckles dowsed in Eren’s blood. Leaning down, Levi licked the leaking blood from Eren’s nose as it continued to trail down Eren’s parted lips. 

“Eren,” Levi whispered, his eyes gazing at Eren’s quivering form, “We’re going to have a good time together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for your comments! They really keep me motivated. Let me know what you think about this chapter!


	5. What’s Left?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for your lovely comments, I read them all! 
> 
> This chapter contains rape. If you have a hard time with this topic please do not read! Otherwise, please enjoy.

Levi slowly snapped off his bloodied gloves, stuffing them both between Eren’s quivering lips with a small grimace as he peered down at the boy. His gun-metal colored eyes shined with a clear mind, only upsetting Eren more. The captain never drank heavily, never did any kinds of drugs. This was simply inexcusable, as much as Eren tried to give reason as to why the captain was acting this way toward him. 

“I’m not going to sugar-coat this, Eren.” Levi began as he hooked his hands under Eren’s loose t-shirt, yanking it off him in one quick swoop. 

“I’m going to have my way with you.”

Eren’s form shook with newly released fear. The fear made his heart thump against his ribcage and his stomach clench in queasy anxiety. Suddenly, the previous paralyzing fear no longer held his limbs in place with its invisible chains. The need to fight and escape was the only thought crossing his mind. 

Levi immediately caught onto Eren’s changing expression and newfound need to fight and quickly pinned Eren’s wrists against the white bathroom tiles above him. 

Eren growled like an animal, his green eyes wide and wild; unmoving as he stared into Levi’s narrowing slits. 

“Move your hands and you’ll regret it.” Levi bit out, slowly trailing his hands down Eren’s raised arms, down to his loose boxers. The chilling bathroom air made Eren’s hair stand up on end. 

Though Eren only a moment ago felt the need to fight the man before him, the captain’s words froze him in his tracks, causing him to fall into a void of unending thoughts, doubting himself into a paralyzed state. 

He was petrified.

“Good boy.” Levi whispered, interrupting Eren’s disorganized thoughts. Slowly, Levi moved down, licking down the boy’s happy trail, using his hands to slip Eren’s boxers down his legs to reveal his limp member. 

Eren closed his eyes tightly, tears slipping down his cheeks and landing onto his naked, trembling thighs. 

Levi’s boner pressed through his white pants uniform, making sure to rub the bulge against Eren’s shins to further emphasize his intentions. 

Eren felt disgusted, his expression terrified as he pressed himself back against the toilet he sat on. He couldn’t help but wish Erwin was here to save him, to take him away and whisper sweet nothings in his ear. But the reality was that no one would come and save him. 

A soft, surprised gasp left Eren’s lips as Levi moved to grip his flaccid cock in a tight, nearly painful grip. The captain’s eyes pierced Eren’s own as the man leaned down to suck on the tip of his member. Eren squeezed his eyes closed tightly, clenching his teeth around the gloves as the taste of bitter copper and guilt filled his mouth.

He was getting hard. He was getting hard and he didn’t want to.

Levi’s quiet, uncharacteristic chuckle made Eren cry messily, his face wet and red as drool made its way down his chin. Using every ounce of strength he had in his current state, Eren used his hands to grip onto the captain’s shoulders and shove at Levi. 

Levi didn’t move an inch. Rather, he gripped his left wrist, and broke his index finger. Eren screamed in newfound pain as he spit out the drool-soaked gloves out from his mouth, letting them plop down wetly onto his thighs. The sound of ringing shrouded his eardrums from the sudden intense pain.

Levi moved to stand, gripping Eren’s thighs and spreading them apart forcefully, despite the boy’s weak protests. 

“I was trying to make this good for you. But you won’t behave, brat.” 

Eren trembled profusely, no longer certain whether he was cold or scared. “I’ll do anything, please..please don’t do this!” 

The boy’s pleads fell upon deaf ears as Levi shifted his hand down to his zipper, zipping down his flier and pulling out his fully hard cock. He gave it a few pumps with his hand before moving his hand up to his lips, sucking on his middle finger slowly.

Eren watched with wide, wavering eyes, the moment seemingly slowing down as Levi moved his moistened finger to rub along Eren’s hole. The boy yelped at the uncomfortable, probing feeling, moving his hips backward desperately in a feeble attempt to escape the violating feeling. Levi only followed Eren’s movements, successfully pressing his middle finger into Eren’s hole and pumping his finger back and forth impatiently.

The unpleasant feeling only lasted a couple seconds before the Eren’s heart beat against his ears loudly. Levi rubbed the tip of his dripping cock across Eren’s hole in a teasing matter before shoving his entire length inside.

Eren threw his head back in a silent scream, his eyes wide and his mouth hanging open as a pained expression crossed his face. His entire body swelled in tension as the feeling of being ripped open racked his entire body. 

Levi groaned softly at the tightening feeling, thrusting his hips at a slow pace as Eren’s insides gradually coated Levi’s twitching cock with blood. The sight only riled the captain further, causing him to bite his lips and ram his hips roughly against Eren’s own. 

The boy gazed up at the bathroom’s florescent lights, his eyes glazed and far away. Internally, he begged himself over and over to pass out, to allow the black void within his mind swallow his consciousness. But it never happened. 

“Please.” Eren rasped, his voice bouncing across the bathroom stall’s metal walls. “Please, no more.”

Levi continued shoving his hips into Eren’s twitching hole until he let out a low groan, spilling his cum into the boy. He leaned down toward Eren, dragging his tongue along the shell of his ear with a whisper. “Have my baby, Eren, take it all.” 

Eren came with an exhausted sob immediately after Levi finished his sentence, cum and blood dripping from his hole as Levi pulled out and neatly tucked himself back into his uniform. 

————

The soft sounds of dripping water woke Eren up from his spot on the toilet. Confused, the boy sat up from his slumped state, squinting his eyes and allowing them time to focus on his dark surroundings. The previously lit bathroom was now dark, the lights switched off and no longer buzzing. Eren moving off the toilet, falling onto the tile flooring with a soft thump. His ass throbbed painfully, only further reminding him of the moments that only recently transpired. 

He was left slumped over a dirty public toilet like a useless whore. Used and left out to be seen by all. His heart clenched painfully, tears silently falling down his cheeks with a blank expression present on his face. Thoughts of revenge riddled his mind and anger settled into his heart. 

Using the stall walls to stand, Eren moved across the dark bathroom blindly, using a hand to trace the walls carefully and make his way to click on the light switch. The sudden bright lights blinded Eren temporarily for a couple seconds before his eyes slowly adjusted to the brightness. The brunette leaned against the bathroom door heavily, his back throbbed in rhythmic pain. 

Apprehensively, Eren looked down to peer at his form. The sight made him gag. Deep purple and yellow bruising decorated his thighs and long streams of blood trailed down his thighs to his feet, leaving a trail of dried blood to stick to his tanned skin. 

Overwhelmed with guilt and hopelessness, Eren fell to the floor, his naked body throbbed in silent pain as he sobbed. “I’m so useless! It’s hilarious!”

An abrupt, loud laugh escaped Eren’s throat as tears continued to flood his eyes. “I’m really am just a whore! You were right, Levi!” Eren screamed out to no one in particular, his shaky voice and laughing bouncing across the bathroom’s walls and screaming back at him.

The heavy bathroom door swung open, whacking Eren’s back, causing his laughing to cease into a surprised yelp. Immediately, the boy’s heart raced into action. Eren shielded his head with his arms, trembling. “Please, not again! I’m really g-going to die!” 

A careful hand pressed itself onto Eren’s shoulder, warmth radiating from their inviting palm. “Eren. Please.” 

The gentle, assertive voice of Mikasa graced the brunette’s ears, causing him to shudder in relief, slowly moving his arms down to gaze at woman.

“M..Mikasa..?”

“Eren...” Mikasa whispered in reply, unshed tears flooding her wavering eyes as she stared down at the boy pathetically sat on his knees. 

“Eren, you’re naked.” She choked out, quickly using her brown uniform jacket to drape over Eren, though the cropped jacket did nothing to hide Eren’s quivering, naked form. It was obvious Eren was violated. Anger traveled through Mikasa’s body as she bared her teeth. She would find who did this to Eren, and slit their throat.  The silent promise did nothing to sate her. 

Wordlessly, Mikasa cradled Eren between her arms. Pulling him up into a bridle style hold, pain gripping onto her heart as the boy groaned in pain. 

“Let’s take you to the infirmary, okay, Eren?” Mikasa whispered, her hands trembling in withheld fury. 


	6. I Want Your Artificial Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello everyone! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, It has some explicitness within it, so please process with caution! Otherwise, enjoy!

Eren couldn’t help but replay the traumatic moments three days before. Though the boy was more than grateful Mikasa had brought him to the infirmity, he didn’t allow any visitations, immensely worried about any questions Mikasa and Armin would ask of him. Eren didn’t have an excuse. He didn’t have an answer. He didn’t know why Levi had done what he did. So Eren did the best thing he could think of and distanced himself from the people who truly cared for and loved him.

The days were lonely and cold. The doctor had asked the boy multiple times if he would allow his friends the time of day, but he refused her every time. He avoided the sight of any familiar faces unit he could no longer avoid them any longer. After Eren had been thoroughly examined and treated for the tears in his rectum, he no longer needed to stay in bed. The doctor did, however, push Eren into therapy sessions. Eren agreed to them.

Though Eren dreaded facing his friends and eventually Levi, he was glad to be bad in acceptable shape and in his combat gear once again. The uniform gave him a sense of confidence and identity. He hoped Erwin would allow him to join the upcoming mission which involved leaving the walls.

Eren made his way down the busy hallways filled with several soldiers who all busied themselves with petty errands. As the boy traveled through the corridor, various whispers flooded his ears. People he had never spoken to nor seen before knew his name. This wasn’t the kind of notoriety he wanted. Before he knew it, his palms began to sweat immensely, his steps speeding up to a desperate acceleration.

Without much thought, Eren’s hasty steps lead him to Erwin’s office, the comfort and pleasant memories overriding his logical thoughts of invading a commander’s space. Without stopping to knock, Eren opening the office door, closing it loudly behind him with a release of breath he hadn’t known he was holding. The silent shuffles of numerous feet were flooded behind the heavy oak door, much to Eren’s relief.

Taking in the office’s surroundings, Eren quickly noted that Erwin was not present. After a moment of unmoving silence, Eren cautiously walked toward the desk, grazing his fingers across the smooth wood. As his fingers trailed down the desk, his eyes wandered around, landing on the blanket lying on the small couch. The sight flooded the boy with more pleasant feelings as he reminisced the moments spent with Erwin.

Walking to the couch, Eren buried his face against the neatly folded blanket, releasing a soft moan as he exhaled. He missed Erwin. He missed the man’s comforting presence and gentleness. Levi left him violated and vulnerable – useless and used. Tears flooded the boy’s emerald eyes and he desperately attempted to block out the memories of pain inflicted upon him.

Eren slowly settled himself down on the couch, the old material creaking as he did so. Pressing his nose to the crinkled blanket, Eren inhaled deeply as he wondered if Erwin had ever used the blanket, wondered if the commander ever sat where he now sat. The thought of the commander using the same blanket as Eren sent a flare of arousal down to his crotch. The sudden feeling making the boy’s face redden.

Was he seriously thinking about masturbating in the commander’s office? On the couch Erwin so selflessly lent Eren? The thought of getting caught sent another spike of arousal. A small part of Eren felt guilty at taking advantage of Erwin’s hospitality, but the office smelled like spices, coffee, and Erwin, clouding Eren’s better judgment. Hugging the blanket to his chest, Eren caressed his thigh with small, teasing circles, closing his eyes and imaging Erwin touching him.

Moving his hand up with teasing slowness, Eren impatiently unzipped his white uniform pant’s zipper and pulled out his dripping cock. The boy blinked away tears of pleasure as he pumped his hand up and down his length, watching himself with lidded eyes. Shivers of bliss ran up his spine as Eren clenched his teeth around the blanket pressed upon his chest, his jaw tensing up. The cloth did nothing to muffle his shaky moans.

“Erwin...Mnha..Erwin, good..so good..!” Eren yelled out, coming with an arch of his back. His hand never stopped pumping his cock, the overstimulation causing his hand to jerk in uncontrolled strokes, his eyes rolling up in bliss.

The release allowed his worries to temporarily fade away into only feelings of satisfied exhaustion.

Suddenly, the office door slammed open, a panicked Erwin rushing inside. “Eren?! I heard your calls—” His voice trailed off as he took in the sight of Eren, whose eyes were wide, his face flushed a deep red. The boy quickly covered his limp cock with the blanket previously lying on his chest.

Eren had no audibly excuse. His mouth opened and closed multiple times in a failed attempt to explain himself. His head swam in panic as he cast down his gaze.

Erwin’s eyes raked over the youth, warmth flooding his chest at the thought of Eren thinking of him in such a lewd manner. He had no idea Eren lusted after him. After nights of lying awake, believing he shouldn't be courting the brunette soldier, the answer now seemed simple. He, Eren sat, presenting himself to Erwin.

Who was he to deny him?

A small smirk played on Erwin’s face as he made his way to Eren’s bashful figure. “Eren, look at me.”

After moments of silence, Eren glanced up, looking up into Erwin’s piercing blue eyes.

Erwin hooked a thumb under Eren’s chin, pulling the boy into a gentle, inviting kiss. The commander allowed room for Eren to pull away if he truly wished. This provided the brunette with a sense of safety.

Eren internally noted the taste of dark roasted coffee and mint on Erwin’s tongue as the man had assertively tangled his tongue with Eren’s own sheepish tongue. The kiss shared between them sparked feelings of bliss as Eren’s heart thumped against his ribcage. This time, the feeling of anxiousness was pleasant, unlike the incident with…

Eren pulled away from the kiss with a gasp of breath, his eyes wavering in uncertainty and he thought of Levi. Would it hurt as it did with the captain?

 _No. I was raped…that wasn’t…that wasn’t what this is._ Eren thought to himself, his hands shaky from where they were placed on Erwin’s broad shoulders.

The commander must have taken notice of Eren’s shift in behavior, taking Eren’s right palm and trailing kisses up his hand and planting a kiss on each finger.

“Eren, Tell me what’s on your mind.”

Eren gazed into Erwin’s own eyes, his body now vibrating in fear. Erwin was a man. He would be no different than Levi. He would take advantage of him and use him and throw him away in the end.

Pulling away from the warmth radiating from Erwin, the brunette averted his eyes, “I don’t—”

A sudden knock at Erwin’s office door startled both men.

“Oi. I know you’re fuckin’ lazying off. I need to talk to you.” Levi called out with irritation from behind the door.

Eren internally screamed, letting small whimpers pour out from his lips. There was no way he could leave without running into Levi.

He was trapped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cliffhanger, I couldn't help myself! The next chapter will be updated soon.
> 
> Consider leaving a comment, I love reading them at 4am.


	7. The Fine Line Between Courage & Foolishness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone,  
> It has been about a month since my last update, so I have extended this chapter to be longer than my other chapters! Thank you all for your lovely comments, suggestions, and overall love. I always such a fantastic time reading them all and replying to each one.  
> I hope you all enjoy this chapter!

Eren froze, staring up at Erwin with unmoving horror as the sound of Levi’s voice filled his ears. Eren had been able to block the previous dreadful scene in the bathroom from his memory, but the sound of the captain’s voice caused flashes of painful memories to fill his mind. Memories of being violated against his will in the dirty public restroom. Memories about being taken advantage of by someone he was supposed to trust his very life.

The brunette hastily covered his ears with his hands, his emerald eyes wavering in silent panic and lost desperation. Unshed tears clouded Eren’s vision as his heart thumped up in his throat, his body frozen and the feeling of entrapment causing the boy to begin a shallow pant.

Erwin watched Eren’s display of fear with careful eyes as he placed his hand on the boy’s arm. His eyes never left Eren, even as he spoke out to Levi.

“One moment, Levi.” Erwin’s blue eyes danced along Eren’s features, watching his expression silently, seemingly pondering something.

Eren could hear Levi scoff, his feet shuffling from behind the door impatiently. “Hurry the hell up, lazy bastard.”

Erwin pulled Eren from his spot on the old couch, wordlessly directly him toward his desk. Eren blinked away his unshed tears, confusion flooding his mind before it suddenly clicked. The boy immediately ducked underneath the wooden desk, settling underneath the desk as he covered his mouth to prevent any further sounds from escaping him. His heart nearly stopped beating in his chest as moments later, he heard the sound of Erwin’s shuffling feet and the low creak of the office door opening.

“What took you so damn long? Were you jerking off or something?” Levi questioned, exasperation evident in his voice. His appearance was rugged despite his snappy attitude, with dark circles around his eyes.

Erwin didn’t comment on the shorter man’s appearance, instead, he let out a low chuckle.

“You caught me when I had been drifting off.”

Levi took a moment to reply, his grey, unamused eyes scanning the commander’s office before he replied. “Then why was the door locked?”

Eren blinked in confusion from his spot under the desk, his brows furrowing in thought. Had Erwin locked the door after catching Eren earlier? But why?

A brief silence passed, tension evident in the atmosphere before he heard the commander step toward Eren’s position. For a moment, Eren internally panicked, believing Erwin would reveal his hiding spot. The escalating fear decreased after Erwin only sat down on the chair in front of him. Despite the moment deescalating, Eren couldn’t help but feel increasingly uncomfortable at how the commander pulled in his chair, Eren forced into the corner of the desk as Erwin’s knees poked into his chest.

“I enjoy my limited times of privacy,” Erwin replied after a long moment’s hesitation, his hand casually traveling down his lap to brush Eren’s soft brown locks with his calloused palm. Eren couldn’t help but feel flustered at the hidden show of affection, heat flaring in his chest.

Levi hummed in acknowledgment as he sat down across from the commander. Eren could hear papers shuffling.

“Whatever.” Levi shortly retorted, “I have the reports you wanted. You’re welcome.”

Erwin chuckled, his hips shifting forward as he leaned to take the papers from the man across from him. Erwin’s hand paused briefly from its position atop Eren’s tussled hair as he spoke. “It seems as if you need something else, Levi?”

Levi leaned back from where he sat, crossing his legs in the process. “Yeah. Could I ask you something?”

“What is it?” Erwin replied, his fingers caressing Eren’s cheek, down to his chin, his thumb locking in position underneath the boy’s chin, a slight pull caused Eren to brush his cracked lips across Erwin’s bagged uniform pants, causing Eren to exhale deeply with a blush, his lips slipping open slightly and his eyes drooping. Was the commander seriously suggesting for Eren to suck him off? While Levi sat not even a foot away?

The thought shamelessly aroused Eren.

“Why did you push back the expedition that was initially scheduled for tomorrow?” Levi asked, his thin brow cocking upward as he watched the man across from him.

Erwin’s left hand trailed down from Eren’s head, caressing the boy’s cheek with a brush of his thumb before he pulled away, unzipping his fly slowly. “I wanted to redirect our focuses,” Erwin replied, not missing a beat.

Unbeknownst to Levi, Erwin’s cock sprang free and nearly shocked a yelp out from the boy between his legs as it slapped the Eren’s cheek wetly.

“I was notified of some new landmarks worth looking into. A town of some sort that was not initially charted on our maps.” The commander stated calmly.

The blonde’s right hand swooped back down to Eren’s chin with arousing roughness, steading Eren’s moving head. The boy felt a shudder travel down his spine at the dirtiness of the situation, his own hand moving down his body to squeeze the growing member in his pants.

Levi’s brows furrowed as he uncrossed his legs. “Is that so? Well, honestly, I don’t really give a fuck when the expedition is.” The captain stood, pushing the chair in as he did so. “I want my men to be ready when it does happen, though.”

Erwin nodded in acknowledgment, letting out a low hiss as he felt Eren drag a teasing tongue up along the curve of his cock.

“Expect to leave with your men two days from now. I’ll be updating you on the location before then.”

Erwin bit back a groan, his expression struggling not to show the dirty pleasure given to him as Eren enveloped the head of his cock with his warm, wet mouth.

“Will Eren be there?” Levi questioned abruptly in an uncharacteristic soft voice, his eyes boring into Erwin’s own.

Eren’s breath hitched at the sound of his name, the suddenness reeling him back into reality.

Gripping onto the back on Eren’s neck with demanding force, the commander pushed the boy ruthlessly down onto the remainder of his cock, the boy gagging lowly at the action. Letting out a pleasured groan with no other obvious warning, Erwin released his seed down Eren’s throat, the boy having no choice but to swallow it down.

With a brightened expression, Erwin nodded his head at the captain’s earlier question.

“Absolutely.”

\--------

Eren sat quietly beside Armin and Mikasa, his appetite non-existent. The brunette couldn’t help but run memories of the night before, memories of sucking off his commander – even more shameful was the fact he sucked off Erwin as Levi stood not even a foot away from him.

“Eren?” Armin called out, his blonde brows furrowing in worry, his blue eyes filled with concern. Mikasa sat on Eren’s right, her grey eyes quietly watching the conversation unfold as she set her spoon down on the wooden lunch table.

Eren’s heart hammered in his chest, only now realizing he hadn’t been paying attention to the conversation whatsoever. Had he missed something?

“S-Sorry, Armin. Did you say something?” Eren muttered, his eyes never leaving the putty-like oatmeal on his tray.

Before the boy could reply, however, A loud clatter caught the shocked attention of the full lunchroom, the previously buzzing room now silent and tense.

Of course, Jean had purposely dumped his oatmeal over Eren’s unsuspecting head. The grey substance drooled down the boy’s hair, clumping onto his shoulders and uniform pants.

“Sorry there, Eren,” Jean grinned, wiggling his brows, “Didn’t see you there.”

Mikasa's eyes drained of life, dulling into a near black as killer intent filled her body while she moved to stand. Before she could shove her fist into Jean’s throat, Eren gently placed his hand on her lap, causing Mikasa to change her demeanor in a complete 180 as he attention was directed toward him in both wordless question and gentle concern.

“Eren…” Misaka spoke, his eyes searching for an answer within Eren’s unreadable eyes.

Eren stood up from his seat, turning toward Jean. The look on the boy’s face startled Jean slightly.

Rather than being met with the anger, he expected from the boy, Jean was faced with an emotionless, unreadable expression. Eren’s green eyes bore into Jean’s own widening eyes. Without a moment’s hesitation, Eren’s knee met Jean’s crotch with immense force, causing a loud groan of pain to emerge from Jean’s throat as he buckled to the ground.

Small snickers from the surrounding soldiers increased into roaring snickers and snide remarks of Jean’s pathetic display.

The bottled-up feelings of sadness, dread, confusion, and stress all filled Eren’s heart with the help of adrenaline in his body. This moment was far from humous for him. In fact, he felt a surge of anger fill his lungs as he inhaled, fiery passion exhaled with each quickening breath.

“Don’t…” Eren began, his eyes widening widely as he spoke, his eyes looking past Jean in an unfocused gaze. “Don’t you _ever_ fucking touch me.”

Armin stood from where he sat, grabbing onto Eren’s rising arm. “Please, Eren, just drop it!”

Eren swung his arm back, throwing Armin into the lunch table with more force than necessary, the blonde boy making a yelp of pain as his back slammed into the wooden chairs. Mikasa stood quickly, crouching down beside Armin with wide eyes.

“Armin!” She yelled, her eyes darting between Eren and her now injured friend.

Eren was unfazed, his teeth gritting with growing anger as he watched Jean slowly move to stand.

“The absolute fuck, Eren!” Jean yelled, his fist connecting into the boy’s chin with shaky anger.

Though Jean’s punch was thrown with undoubtably intense force, Eren remained completely still after the hit, shock running through Jean’s expression at the display.

“What the fu—” Jean started, only to be interrupted with Eren tackling the boy into the solid stone floors. Straddling Jean’s hips, Eren delivered punch after punch onto the other’s face, groans of pain leaving the pinned Jean’s lips as he bucked and struggled against Eren’s sudden inhuman increase in strength.

“That’s enough.” A cold voice cut through the loud roaring of the lunchroom, the recognizable voice causing the rowdy room to quiet down within a few seconds.

Eren’s body froze in a cold sweat as he turned to slowly look at the approaching Captain Levi. His body, almost on cue, began trembling wildly. “Please, no.” Eren whispered, catching Jean’s confused attention.

“What are you two, animals?” Levi called out, his voice booming and irritated. “Get off him, Yeager.”

Eren scrambled off the boy below him, his eyes sticking to the floor as he saluted the captain with as much energy he could muster.

“I asked a question.” Levi stood in front of Eren as Jean stood up afterward, replicating Eren by saluting with a fist to his chest.

“N..No, sir. I apologize.” Jean replied first, his eyes staring past the captain with a determined expression on his face.

Levi’s unamused eyes moved from Jean to Eren, waiting for his reply.

The moment seemed like a freeze in time as Eren scowled, gazing directly into Levi’s eyes for the first time since he was raped.

“I don’t care.” Eren replied simply as gasps could be heard from around the lunchroom, his fellow cadets watched the entertaining scene with confusion and surprise. No one had ever dared to speak to the captain that way.

Levi growled, his expression moving from one of non-existent amusement to one of anger. “Excuse me? What was that?”

“I said I don’t _fucking_ care.” Eren repeated, his teeth gritting in anger. “I don’t care that I was acting like an animal, because frankly, horse-face fucking started it!” Eren’s voice increased with confidence, his brows twitching with fear and adrenaline.

For the first time in a long time, Eren felt like a man again. The fear only a moment ago diminished as he found the courage to stand up to a man no one else had dared talk back to. He clenched his hand, scowling with determination. He could take whatever the captain threw at him. Both literally and figuratively.

 _It was too late to back out now,_ Eren emphasized in his mind. _There’s nothing more I could lose._

“I’ll give you three seconds to rethink what you just said, Yeager.” Levi spoke slowly, his eyes never leaving Eren’s own challenging eyes.

When Eren didn’t reply nor acknowledge the statement, Levi began counting, his patience clearly growing thinner by the second.

“One.”

Armin and Mikasa watched on with petrified expressions, their voices muddled in Eren’s ears as they uselessly attempted to defend Eren’s position and excuse his actions.

“Two.”

Eren could nearly hear Jean’s whispers, begging him just to apologize.

But he refused. Because he had decided he would no longer be so easily controlled.

“Three.”

Levi reached up, grabbing onto Eren’s rustled brown hair, yanking him down onto his knees at the same time the captain raised his knee. As Eren’s jaw met with Levi’s knee, two of his lower teeth popped out from his mouth, clanking onto the concrete flooring. His nose met the same fate, a grueling crack resulting in his nose breaking as an audible gurgle of pain was released from the boy.

Eren’s eyes instinctively teared up, his screams of pain tearing through the tense atmosphere yet sounded deafening to his own ears, also as if he was underwater.

As the boy sat kneeled on all fours, Levi crouched down, yanking up his head, examining the damage with a small twitch of a smirk. Blood ran down the boy’s nose and split lip. Eren watched on with a dazed expression on his face, panting as he could no longer breath properly from his broken nose.

Eren found this task of inhaling sufficient breaths to be difficult, as the last thing he expected was the captain to press his lips against Eren’s bloodied ones.


	8. Forgive Me, For I Have Sinned

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> Thank you for waiting patiently for this chapter, I gave myself a little more time than usual to update in order to spark some inspiration and general direction for this chapter. I hope you all enjoy this chapter! I didn't have time to reply to a majority of the last chapter's comments, but I always make time to read your individual comments despite not always having the chance to reply to all of them. Truly, interacting with each one of you is such a lovely privilege and one of the greatest pleasure I have as I continue to grow as a writer.
> 
> Thanks for reading!

The expedition came sooner than Eren had expected, though, he was glad this was the case. Any recollection of the events that took place at the cafeteria sparked a feeling of disbelief and embarrassment, paired with an additional feeling he couldn’t begin to describe.

The captain had seriously…kissed him? Publicly?

Eren began thinking the event hadn’t really happened, some part of him believing it was a figment of his imagination. Unfortunately, the floating rumors and teasing from his fellow cadets successfully reminded the boy that captain Levi’s kiss was _very_ real. He actively avoided Mikasa and Armin, shame flooding his stomach as he thought of not only the kiss between him and the captain, but what his friends would think of him after finding out what shameful acts he committed with Erwin, their _section commander._

Eren sighed for what seemed like the fifteenth time within that hour as he pulled his brown uniform boots on. There, he stood silently in his quarters, facing the dusted body-length mirror in front of him. He could clearly observe the black circles underneath his emerald-colored irises. The exhaustion, the stress, and the guilt finally caught up to him. Rather than focus his energy and emotions towards exterminating the titans as he promised, Eren found himself selfishly focusing on the seeming love triangle between Levi, Erwin, and himself.

Conclusively, he looked as good as he felt. Which, if it wasn’t obvious, was shit.

The boy flinched at the sudden knock at his door. Furrowing his brow at the sudden wave of anxiety in his gut. He slowly walked toward the door, pausing unconsciously for a moment before deciding against his irrational thoughts and pulling the door open with a brief expression of confusion on his face.

It was none other than Jean.

“I don’t know if you’re done applying your makeup, but everyone’s gonna depart without you.” Jean stated flatly, irritation gracing his tone.

Eren groaned silently without complaint, as he knew he was late, the soldiers presumably already lined near the gates atop their horses by now. The boy shoved Jean back as he stepped out from his room, slamming the door behind himself as be began making his way out.

“Don’t I get at least a thank you?” Jean huffed as he followed behind Eren. When he was met with silence, Jean began interrogating the titan.

“Soo..” Eren heard the horse-face behind him begin, “You and the captain a thing, huh? Didn’t really see him as an ‘Eren-is-my-type’ kinda guy.” Jean snickered at his comment, irking the brunette.

“We’re not a _thing,”_ Eren bit back, glanced back at Jean with a scowl. 

He couldn’t get into a physical fight with the guy, now. Especially since they needed to hurry their asses up to get to the wall’s gates. After the captain had kissed Eren, the boy didn’t know what to do other than run from the scene. He hadn’t seen Levi since – nor stayed to watch Mikasa’s reaction.

The thought of Mikasa made him shudder in fear.

The two boys stepped outside, immediately faced with rows of the town’s people cheering the awaiting rows of soldiers, all of which had smiles of pride as they sat atop their horses. Eren frowned in confusion as he scanned the scene.

“Jean, where’s my horse?” Eren questioned as he watched Jean travel ahead of him, climbing atop his own horse with a shrug.

“You’ll be riding with me.” A voice behind Eren spoke, startling the boy.

That voice belonged to…

“Captain Levi!” one of the cadets saluted as Levi walked past them.

Eren turned to face the captain, finding difficulty in maintaining eye contact. He swallowed, sheepishly speaking as he stared down at the dirt, “Captain…what do you mean?”

“What else is there to explain?” Levi replied in an aggravated manner, walking past Eren and sitting atop his horse.

“Get on.”

Eren's face changed to an expression of surprise, doing as he was told hastily, the attention from the town’s people and the giggling of the soldiers behind them pressed him into following directions more hastily.

“Your arms.” Levi commented, further confusing Eren.

“Huh? My arms?” Eren replied in question.

“Your arms,” Levi repeated, “Put them around my waist.”

\---

The expedition had gone smoothly. Any interruption from titans was dealt with minimal causalities. Levi had signaled the group with a flair gun to move back toward the walls. The signal was met with quick understanding.

“Eren.” Levi stated as Eren lifted his forehead from the captain’s back.

“Captain?” Eren replied quickly.

“We’re staying back.” Levi paused, allowing Eren a moment to absorb the fact. “There’s something I want to check out.”

Eren blinked in confusion before he spoke, “Is there something we need to look for? Isn’t it dangerous to stay outside the walls past sunset?”

The brunet was met with silence.

He didn’t dare repeat himself.

\---

The two arrived at their destination in fifteen minutes, strangely avoiding confrontation with any titans.

Levi was the first to dismount the horse once in front of the broken wood cottages. Broken fences, the crushed horse stables, rotting wood, and overgrown shrubs and grass overtook the once standing village. The greying clouds and the light shower of rain dousing the two men created a gloomier scene. Eren allowed himself a moment of silence in order to ingest the sight presently in front of him.

“This is the future of the rest of humanity if we fail. This is our future is you fail.” Levi turned to look at Eren, the increasing rainfall splashing droplets on this face, the water sliding down the curve of his cheek. “There is no future without you in it.”

Eren swallowed the lump in his throat as he gazed at back at the captain, determination traveling through his veins for the first time in a long time. “I won’t fail, captain! None of us will! He finished with a shout.

“Good. The fire inside you still hasn’t died out.” Levi closed his eyes, an expression of defeat on his face as he spoke.

Without thinking, Eren reached out, placing a hand on the captain’s wet cheek. “I want you to be apart of that future, Levi. One where we can walk in the sand, and see that big body of water.”

Levi watched with brief surprise flashing across his face before he allowed himself the liberty of a chuckle. “Me too, brat. He replied. “And don’t address me so casually.”

Eren blinked comically, flustered as he removed his hand away from the captain’s cheek. “Ah – forgive me, captain Levi!”

Levi held his hand out silently, his expression unreadable. Eren sheepishly took the man’s hand, dismounting the horse and allowing himself to be pulled wordlessly toward the nearly completely collapsed stables. The two took cover from the now pouring rainfall, Levi’s calloused hand still holding Eren’s own hand with gentleness Eren didn’t know the captain was capable of.

“Eren.” Levi started, pressing the boy against one of the wooden pillars holding up the remainder of what was left of the stable. The height difference would, in theory, make Eren feel as though he had the upper hand, however, despite Levi’s lack in height, his presence held a silent pressing demand of power and dominance.

As Eren felt the captain’s breath tickle his lips, he couldn’t help but allow himself to be swept away. Rather than feel as nervous as he had around commander Erwin, Eren felt a sense of urgency to be touched and loved by the man in front of him. He had a _need._ A _craving._

“You left me hanging last night at the cafeteria, you fucking brat.” Levi whispered aggressively, against the boy’s lips, failing to relay any real malice behind his words.

“Sorry, captain.” Eren spoke out softly, his eyes drooping into a lidded state.

Levi wordlessly kissed the pinned boy, Eren unconsciously tilting his head to gain more access to the man’s curiously soft lips. He noted the captain tasted like sweet butterscotch.

“You’re wet.” Levi breathed as he broke away from the shared kiss.

“I-I am?” Eren’s face reddened bashfully, his eyes darting between Levi’s silver eyes, shame and embarrassment evident on the boy’s mortified face.

The captain leaned up until his lips brushed across the boy’s flushed ear. Eren could feel Levi’s smirk against the lobe of his ear before he spoke.

“Your clothing, I mean. Perverted brat.”

Eren groaned in embarrassment, covering his face quickly with both his hands as humiliation wracked his brain. “I’m sorry, captain!”

“Take your clothes off, Eren.” Levi stepped back, analyzing the bashful boy with a cross of his arms; his voice dipping in tone. “I’ll make you wet.”


	9. Let Me Inside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! It has been quite some time -- about a month! This chapter was the hardest for me to write, which is a reason as to why it took me a bit longer to update. I didn't want to half-ass the chapter, instead, wanting to find the time to sit down and give the chapter my complete attention. I hope you all enjoy the angsty nature of the chapter!

“Levi…” Eren breathed shakily against the man’s black hair, his eyes shining from unshed tears. The simple touches of affection – the gentleness of it all – caused Eren’s entire body to relax into a blissful state. One in which his mind couldn’t come up with coherent thoughts.

Eren shivered as Levi hoisted the boy’s right leg up, supporting the limb on his arm. The captain then leaned in close until his lips made feather-light contact with Eren’s ear.

“It’s captain to you, brat.”

The brunette shut his eyes tightly, clenching his teeth in an attempt to calm his overwhelmed state and heightened senses.

“P...Please…Captain Levi.” Eren huffed out, swallowing the lump stuck in his throat.

Levi nipped the boy’s ear, causing the other to release a cute whimper.

“Ask properly, Eren.” Levi began, his eyes gazing at Eren’s quivering form, taking in the sight of the boy struggling to come to terms with the way he was feeling. “What do you want?”

The titan-shifter opened his eyes slowly, his mouth drooping and remaining open. The sight caused Levi’s eyes to harden slightly. Eren was surely begging to be wrecked.

“Please…K..Kiss me, captain.” Eren’s voice shook bashfully.

Without missing a beat, Levi pressed his wet lips against Eren’s own cracked lips. His tongue shoved passed the boy’s gaping mouth, wrapping the wet muscle around Eren’s in a small game of dominance between the two soldiers.

Drool slipped down the boy’s chin, pooling around the crevasse of his collarbone. At the sight of this, Levi broke the kiss, lapping away the pool of drool from the surprisingly soft skin. Eren couldn’t help but exhale sharply at the action.

“Stop holding your voice back.” Levi scowled at the boy, releasing his grip on the boy’s leg. “And while we’re on the topic, strip.”

“Levi I—” Eren began before he was abruptly interrupted as an abrasive ‘pop’ sound exploded across the sky. Levi’s expression soured almost immediately, moving away from the boy beside him to gaze up at the rainy grey skies. With growing irritation, Levi wordless mounted his horse, the rainfall drenching his dark hair and plastering it against his forehead.

“They’re looking for us.” Levi bit out shortly, watching the casted smoke signal disappear under the heavy rainfall.

Eren watched, disappointment settling in the pit of his stomach, though, he refused to recognize the reasoning for it. A green smoke signal lit up the dark sky from Levi’s responding gun. He then motioned with his head for Eren to take a seat behind him on the horse.

Eren was cockblocked by a smoke signal, he realized. Worse, Eren was willing to go all the way with Captain Levi, even after the Captain had _raped_ him several weeks prior. He felt ashamed.

\--

Once the two reached the walls, Eren dismounted his captain’s horse. Soon after, he was enveloped with questions from Mikasa, Armin, and Hange, overwhelming his sense with the building concern and endless questioning. From the corner of his eyes, he observed Levi wordlessly leaving the scene. A small pang of hurt settled in his chest. Was the captain mad at him?

“Eren. A moment of your time.” A voice interrupted the trio’s interrogation of the boy. Turning to follow the source of the voice, Eren was met with the sight of Erwin, standing and watching him with his face blank and waiting.

“Sir.” Eren replied quickly, giving the Commander his best salute.

The blonde Commander nodded at the others as Mikasa and Armin stood straight with their own salutes, their hands clenched and held against their chests. Hange waved casually at the man with a smile on her face. Her smile dropped, however, when she took in the grim expression on Erwin’s face.

Erwin turned, walking back toward the direction of where his office lied. Eren followed behind, nervousness climbing inside him. “Commander Erwin? Did I do something?” Eren asked in a small voice, seemingly startling the man out of his thoughts.

Glancing back at the boy behind him, Erwin furrowed his brow. “I’m currently leading an investigation following your attack several weeks ago,” Erwin began slowly, his hand stopped on the doorknob of his office. “I want you to be _very_ honest with me, Eren,” Erwin spoke, turning to give the solider his full attention.

“Were you raped?”

Eren’s heart seemed to do a revolving summersault in his chest, the shocking and straightforward question nearly throwing him off his feet.

Erwin’s expression hardened before he continued. “Your silence speaks volumes, Eren,” The Commander placed a warm hand on Eren’s shoulder, focusing the boy’s eyes back on him.

“Give me permission to examine your official medical report. I can’t look into the matter without your explicit consent allowing me to look at your private medical visit.” As he said this, the blonde’s hand squeezed the boy, desperation laced in his final words.

Eren slapped the hand from his shoulder, stepping back, horrified. “I…I refuse!”

“This is an _order._ ” Erwin emphasized, stepping toward Eren as he backed away, cornering the boy against the brick wall.

Eren bit his lower lip, his eyes blown to the size of saucers. He couldn’t blatantly refuse his Commander, but he didn’t want the man to know it was Levi – the strongest tool of humanity – that took advantage of him.

The man towering over Eren seemed to grow in desperation. “Listen to me. I want to help you, and I know what’s good for you,” Erwin’s blue eyes gazed without falter into Eren’s green orbs. “Allow me to help you, Eren. Please.”

Eren knew the man was only trying to bring closure to the assault the boy had experienced, but he felt increasing anger and agitation growing in him. “I didn’t ask anyone to investigate anything!”

“And I don’t think I need your permission to command my men.” Erwin bit back coldly, silencing the boy.

Silence went on between the two for a moment before Eren ducked his head down, away from the prying eyes of the Commander.

“Then do what you want.” The titan shifter answered, his voice shaky and weak even to his own ears.

Erwin pulled away briefly from the boy, allowing the boy more freedom of movement. “Eren, that’s not –”

“I don’t care,” Eren interrupted the Commander, his mind screaming for him to stop before he regretted anything. “You all treat me like an incompetent _monster;_ deciding things for me.”

The blonde man watched in silence, his expression remaining stoic as Eren continued speaking.

“I’m tired of it.” Eren snarled, increasing in the aggression of his tone. “I’m tired of it!” He repeated, his hand moving up to his mouth with the smallest bit of hesitance.

Before Eren could bite his hand, Erwin grabbed his arm, twisting it behind him and pushing the boy to kneel down, his knees knocking into the solid flooring, emitting a yelp of pain from Eren.

The Commander gazed down at the boy with a grimace. “Don’t you dare, Eren.”

Eren paused, a momentary feeling of guilt passing his gut before it was quickly replaced with rage. He was past the point of return. There was no sense in stopping now. So Eren lifted his free arm with startling speed and no hesitance this time, burying his teeth into the base of his palm deeply, the blood splashing against the stone floors.


	10. Realization or Denial?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a tumblr where you can send your prompts/pairings you’d like me write! Check is out: Saltntang or https://www.tumblr.com/blog/saltntang

“What’s wrong with him?” Levi asked, his eyes never leaving the seething form of Eren behind the dungeon bars. Eren’s green eyes bore into Levi’s with a fiery heat, anger that promised murder to whoever came close. Yet, at the same time, his eyes were dull, as if Eren wasn’t currently piloting his own body.

Hange laughed nervously, flipping through the clipboard she carried. “Seems the sedatives has some side effects I wasn’t aware of before.” When she saw Levi’s angry expression travel up his eyes into a scowl, she quickly added, “But that’s because I’ve never tested titan sedatives on a human-titan hybrid like Eren! Just full on titans!”

Levi didn’t reply, turning back to watch Eren as the boy continued to arch his back, screaming out profanities, attempting and failing to reach the tight bindings of the metal chains with his teeth as chains continued relentlessly hugged his forearms and wrists uncomfortably. The boy broke several of his teeth with the force of his clenched jaw alone, only for them to quickly be replaced due to his titan powers. 

“What should we do with him, then?” Hange finally asked, shuffling the papers on her clipboard back in their respective order. 

Levi turned to leave the dank dungeon, glancing back before he reached the stone stairwell. “Don’t feed him anything for three days. No visitors. Not even those brats. Leave him in complete isolation. When the three days are up, I and I alone will visit him.”

Without another word, Levi ascended up the stairwell. 

— 

“A word?” Levi asked politely, though his irritated tone leaked through. 

Erwin glances up from his desk as Levi stood staring. The commander’s right arm had sustained injuries when Eren has transformed into his titan form, causing a breakage. Levi internally thought the injury was in vain and stupid, as it could have been easily avoided. Since then, Erwin had been out of commission for a month, sentenced to spend his day doing paperwork until further notice for the medical team. 

“Levi.” Erwin announced, acknowledging the captain’s presence. 

Levi closed the office door once he was granted permission, making his way toward the desk and seating himself across from Erwin. The two stared at one another for several minutes of silence, neither of the two breaking under the quiet tension. 

“How long?” Levi finally asked, his eyes never leaving Erwin. He didn’t miss the glint in the commander’s eyes at the question. Both of them knew what he was asking. Erwin, however, played the dumb card.

“How long, what, Captain Levi?” 

“How long have you and Eren been a thing?”

The two once again fell into a silence before Erwin spoke, his voice leveled and calm, “I don’t have to answer that.” 

“Like  Hell  you don’t, bastard!” Levi exploded suddenly, standing up to slam a hard fist down on the desk. The impact caused the commander’s cold coffee to tumble and spill over, tainting the documents under his hands. 

Erwin stood as well, his stature towering over Levi’s by several feet. The display did not intimidate Levi. “How long are you going to go without admitting you raped Eren?” Erwin retorted, watching the angry expression on Levi’s face morph into a shocked one. 

“How did you—“ Levi began, only to be abruptly interrupted. 

“I’ve seen the fear in his eyes, Levi. Every time you pass him, every time you speak his name. He comes to me.” Erwin bit, his tone now matching Levi’s. “Because you broke him. You took something away that you can never return. So tell me, am I the one who should be put under fire,  Captain?”

“Bastard.”  Levi hissed, his eyes danced across Erwin’s features, trying to seek more from the man. The captain then abruptly turned, leaving the office and slamming the door behind him. Without much thought, he left to give Eren a visit, despite his own words ringing in his head:

Leave him in complete isolation.

No, no. Levi was going to get to the bottom of this. Eren had to have told Erwin. If he thought Levi wasn’t going to find out, well, he was more of a dumbass than he gave him credit for.

Once he arrived at the dungeons, his kicked the metal bars, rousing Eren from his deep sleep. The boy blinked his eyes, groggy for a moment before immediately springing up as far as the chains would let him — which wasn’t far. His opted to instead crane his neck down. 

“C..Captain Levi? Where am I? What happened?” 

“Had a good titan nap?” Levi instead asked sarcastically, using the keys hung on the wall to open the metal bars and step inside. It made Eren immensely fearful when he noticed the Captain lock the cage from the inside, then storing the keys into his back pocket. 

“You’ve been asleep for a month, Eren.” The man stated, traveling the short distance to the boy and brushing a caressing hand along the long strand brushing against the tip of the titan’s nose. The boy unconsciously flinched back from the touch, causing Levi to remove his hand and glare daggers. Eren regretted that. 

Eren scrunched his brows after a moment, the sudden memories of a month ago crashing into his mind. The fact that he let his emotions run wild. This..this was his fault. This situation was all because of himself. He had no one to blame, and the Commander..

“Where’s Erwin?” Eren perked up, waiting for the Captain’s answer.

Swallowing the anger that he nearly regurgitated, Levi clenched his jaw tensely. “What’s it matter? Miss his cock?” 

The condescending question took Eren aback as he stared, startled. He echoed his question. “Where’s Erwin? Mikasa? H-Hange?”

“ Why?” Levi hissed more impatiently when the boy refused to meet his eyes. “Are you fucking them all too? I didn’t know you were the local titan slut, Eren. But I suppose that makes sense. Your ass healed right up, didn’t it? When I took you.”

“Stop.” Eren sternly stated, his shoulders more tense than Levi had ever seen them. Eren felt more vulnerable being trapped with the monster he had been avoiding, unable to reach his wrists. Unable to bite himself. “Get out.” Eren said, finally. 

A hard grip around his chin shocked Eren. The grasp felt as though it would dislocate his jawbone. “You don’t call the shots around here.” 

With that simple remark, Levi let go, grabbing Eren’s hand. He grip felt cold and threatening, as if Levi was oozing with ill intent. 

“What did you do with that bastard Erwin?” Levi asked, watching Eren remain quiet and defiant. Rather than ask again, the man slipped his hand upwards, pushing Eren’s thumb back until a sickening crack bounced across the stone walls. The boy screamed, sweat forming along his paling skin. 

Levi then moved onto the boy’s pointer finger, pausing to look back at the boy, the Captain’s own expression unreadable. “What did you do with Erwin?” 

“Fuck  you.” Eren hissed, tipping his head downward and watching Levi with fire in his eyes. Levi said nothing more, giving his pointer finger the same treatment and breaking it backward. Eren’s screaming intensified as tears leaked down his cheeks, wetting them noticeably even as the boy sweat profusely. 

“You seem the type to fuck your way up the corporate ladder, Eren.” 

The Captain moved onto the titan’s middle finger now, pausing to give the trembling and panting mess a moment to compose himself. The sight was disgusting. 

“Did he do you over his desk? Against the wall?” Levi asked, his eyes focusing further as he say Eren’s lips begin to move in a whisper. “Speak up, brat.” Levi then commanded after his ears strained to pick up meaningful sounds.

“I never..w-with Commander Erwin.. I-I don’t..we don’t have that type of relationship.” Eren’s glistening eyes met Levi’s unmoving ones, the sight causing a slight ache to run along the Captain’s chest. 

“Why don’t you love me?” Eren asked after a moment of analyzing the man, a tear leaving his eye as he blinked it away quickly.

Levi’s chest clenched, the sight hurting him more than he’d admit. He wanted to scream at Eren, tell him that he  did  love him. That he only hurt him because he loved him. But he wasn’t diluted. Levi knew that what he had done in the past — what he was  currently doing wasn’t real love. He wasn’t one to blame his upbringing; to blame his situation and current lifestyle.  He and he alone did this. He hurt Eren and internally denied it for months. 

Letting go of Eren’s hand, Levi stepped back, closing his eyes and bowing his head. Eren watched, blinking several times to see if the sight was truly real. 

“Eren..I..I’m..” Levi began slowly, unable to find the correct words. He could never fix this with a pathetic apology.

“Eren.” A voice interrupted, the two suddenly shocked out of their own little world. Erwin’s figure danced across the dimly lit walls, his face serious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was not checked over for spelling errors, so please excuse them! Also, forgive me for the long pause between last chapter and this one, it was deleted three times and I had a bit of a writer’s block. This is definitely one of the weaker chapters, but consider commenting!


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